Post Diagnosis

Following my diagnosis with the big “C” word, I was lost. What was going to happen next? Chemo? Radiation? Surgery? Homebound? And I hate to say it but, death? All of these thoughts were running through my head as I stepped out of the doctor’s office and into my car.

When I got into my car, I didn’t know what to do. I sat there for a few minutes and then text messaged some friends and family the simple words, “It’s cancer.”

Soon the text started coming in. My mom was the first one to call and said she would be there right away. I sat there in my car, in front of the doctor’s office, just in awe of the news.

My mom got to the office and we hugged, cried, and talked about the next steps. I called Cleveland Clinic and was told I wasn’t able to get in till the following Tuesday. I began to cry on the phone, explaining to the lady that I was planning on moving to Georgia for a job and that I was upset because I thought that I would have to turn down the job and stay at home. She explained to me that I would be able to have surgery the following Wednesday after my original appointment and I could do further treatment (if needed) in Georgia.

I was overjoyed with excitement that this would not ruin my plans to move to Georgia and pursue my master’s degree. I would have been heart broken if I would not have been able to move.

So, after going on a family vacation, which we had to rearrange because my time crunch, I went to Cleveland Clinic for my pre-op visit and to meet my surgeon.

The day started off with the hour and a half drive up to Cleveland. Once we got there it was a maze to find each of the “desks”, as they call them, for my appointments. My first appointment was a blood draw. Nothing big, no big deal there. I guess I knew I was going to have to get used to it with the big “C” diagnosis. Then I had a chest x-ray to make sure I was okay to have surgery and that the cancer had not spread to my lungs. Following the x-ray, I had an admissions interview which was basically just paperwork making sure I had insurance. Finally, I got to meet with my surgeon.

Dr. Shin introduced herself to my family and I. She was very upbeat and friendly. I had a lot of questions for and she was very understanding. She reviewed my lab work that I had sent over from the previous doctor, and then performed another ultrasound. She noticed some enlarged lymph nodes and needed to perform a biopsy on them to see if they were cancer as well.

Unlike the biopsy performed at Salem hospital, Dr. Shin did not numb my neck before performing the biopsy. It takes a lot for me to cry from physical pain but this brought tears to my eyes.

Once that was over, we talked more with Dr. Shin about my surgery and what was going to happen afterwards. She explained that I would have my entire thyroid taken out and that I would need to take thyroid hormone pills for the rest of my life. I also may need radiation following my surgery but we wouldn’t know for sure until we got the pathology report.

So, we left Cleveland Clinic with some answers and of course some questions left unanswered until after surgery. I was optimistic about the outcome of the surgery. I was ready to kick cancers butt!

During this whole experience before surgery I questioned God continuously. Why me? Why now? It’s hard to say it, but I became angry with God. I stopped praying. I stopped going to church. I stopped reading my bible. I knew that’s not what God wanted, he wanted me to trust him fully with all my heart and not stray away from him during this hard time but I couldn’t put my anger aside and trust in his plan.