Purpose Driven Life Day 20

Day 20, May 20th, "Restoring Broken Fellowship" 

  - Relationships are worth restoring. Life is about learning how to love and value relationships, don't disregard them. "...our ability to get along with others is a mark of spiritual maturity." (Rick Warren). If we want to get God's blessings in life, we have to learn to be peacemakers." (Rick Warren) Peacemaking is one of the most important things to learn in life. Peacemaking is not to avoid conflict its to talk it out and work it out. We need to pray for the holy spirits guidance. Peacemaking is not appeasement. Just because we are christians, doesn't mean we should allow others to run over us.

There are 7 Biblical Steps On HOW TO RESTORE A RELATIONSHIP:

   1. Talk to God before talking to the person.
      - If we have a problem with a person we should discuss it with God before we confront the person. "If you will pray about the conflict first instead of gossiping to a friend, you will often discover that either God changes your heart or he changes the other person's without your help." (Rick Warren). Instead of gossiping to anyone that will listen we should talk to God about the conflict. Tell Him your frustrations, cry out to him! He doesn't get upset by any of our emotions. Some of our needs can only be met by God. No one can meet all our needs but God. James 4:1-2 says, "What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God." Often times we look to others to make us happy and get angry when they fail us. We need to place God first. This one I really struggle with. I do not enjoy being single I like having a boyfriend and I can not wait to get married but I can't let someone else dictate my happiness. I need to embrace my singleness as hard as it is. Not one person on this earth can give me everything. Not one person can make me 100% truly happy.
  2. Always take initiative.
      - Whether you are the offender or the offended, God expects us as christians to make the first move to repair the relationship. We should not procrastinate or make excuses. "Delay only deepens resentment and makes matters worse. In conflict, time heals nothing, it causes hurts to fester." (Rick Warren). If we act quickly after a argument it reduces the spiritual damage to us. Unresolved conflict blocks fellowship with God and keeps are prayers from being answered, not to mention it makes us miserable. I know for me I can't eat or sleep if I know someone is mad at me. It eats away at my heart. When you are going to meet with the person you are on in conflict with, don't meet when either of you are tired, rushed, hungry, or you will be interrupted. You need to wait until both of you are at your best.
  3. Sympathize with their feelings.
      - Rick Warren says, "Use your ears more than your mouth." It is more important for us to listen to peoples feelings and let them unload emotionally. We need to make sure we are tuned in and are not defensive. Resentment towards people makes us act and think in foolish ways. We need to keep our hearts open and sympathize with their feelings.
  4. Confess your part of the conflict.
      - It is important that we admit our mistakes. We may need to ask a 3rd party to evaluate our actions before meeting with the person we are in conflict with. I would advice that if you are dating someone or married to someone that it is not one of your family members. This can cause conflict in the relationship as they are always going to take your side and if you are constantly nagging about your significant other to family that is how they are going to see them and then you are going to wonder why they don't like your significant other. Always say positive things about the person you are dating/married to to your family. We need to also talk to God and ask God if we are the problem. "Often the way we handle a conflict creates a bigger hurt than the original problem itself." (Rick Warren). If we humbly admit our mistakes it defuses the other persons anger and disarms their attack.
   5. Attack the problem, not the person
      - Often times when we get into conflict we are pointing the finger at who did what and who said what. "You cannot fix the problem if you're consumed with fixing the blame." (Rick Warren). Proverbs 15:1 says, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." We need to by wise in choosing our words. We can get the same point across and in a more affective way without raising our voices or cussing. How you say something is just as important of what you say. If you go in with attitude and talk to the person its not going to end well. We need to have an open heart and sympathy for that person whether you are the offender or offended. Ephesians 4:29 says, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." We need to not bring up old hurts and pains as well. We only need to try and resolve the conflict we are currently in.
   6. Cooperate as much as possible.
       - Romans 12:18 says, "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Peace always has a price tag but we should work on having as much peace with everyone as possible. We will need to compromise on things.
   7. Emphasize reconciliation, not resolution.

      - It's unrealistic to think that everyone is going to agree with everything you say. We are all raised differently and have different backgrounds so inevitable there are going to be some conflicts. "Reconciliation focuses on the relationship, while resolution focuses on the problem." (Rick Warren). We as christians need to focus on reconciliation. We can disagree without being disagreeable. "God expects unit, not uniformity." (Rick Warren). We don't have to agree on everything but we should work together for God's good.

Point to Ponder: Relationships are always worth restoring.
Verse to Remember: "Do everything possible on your part to live in peace with everybody." Romans 12:18
Question to Consider: Who do I need to restore a broken relationship with today?

Purpose Driven Life Day 16

Day 16, May 16th, "What Matters Most"

   - God is LOVE! The most important lesson that God wants us to learn is to LOVE! We are most like God when we love. God wants us to love everybody but He specifically wants us to love others in His family, believers. He wants us to pay special attention to His family and love them because He wants His family to be known for its love. We can not learn to love in isolation. We have to get out and meet people and serve others. You have to be around people to love. You can't just stay in isolation. You have to go out and socialize. For some people this may be a challenge. Start with joining a group at your church. Through fellowship with other people we learn 3 important truths:
   1. The Best Use of Life is LOVE

       - Love should be our TOP PRIORITY in life. Rick Warren says, "Relationships must have priority in your life above everything else." I am really good at putting my romantic relationship top priority. When I am in a relationship I love so much and so deeply. I definitely make a HUGE effort for that person in my life almost to a fault. That person becomes the center of my world. I switch work schedules, I stop going to other activities, etc. This is good and bad. Yes, I am putting that person top priority and our relationship top priority but, thats just one person. I need to not neglect family and friends which I often times do. "Relationship, not achievements or acquisitions of things, are not what matter most in life." Rick Warren. A lot of people struggle with this one. For me I'd give up all my possessions and degrees to have my friends, family, and future husband and children. The enemy of relationships is busyness. We have to carve out time in our schedules for relationships. They should be our top priority. So often people get so caught up in their career and paying bills that they forget the best use of life is loving others. For me, I work in a career field where I can love on others all day. Life - Love = 0
  2. Love Will Last Forever

      - Love and kindness have the most impact on earth when you die. When someone is on there deathbed they don't ask to be surrounded by there diplomas, trophies, earthly possessions; they ask to be surrounded by the people they love. You have to love others and make relationships important to you now, we never know how much time we or someone else has left here on earth. When you die no one is going to remember you for your success in sports, degrees you had, career achievements, those will fade. What they will remember you for is the love you poured out to them and others.
  3. We Will be Evaluated on Our Love
     - God measures spiritual maturity by the quality of our relationships. He is not going to ask you when you get to heaven to tell him about your career or your finances, instead, He is going to ask you how you treated other people. We should love people like God loves the church. Random acts of kindness is a good way to show love to a stranger. Next time you are at a coffee shop pay for someone behind you, it will make someones day and you are showing love to a complete stranger.

THE BEST EXPRESSIONS OF LOVE

   - The more time you give someone or something the more you reveal its importance in your life. Again, when I'm in a romantic relationship giving them my time is easy for me, I love them, I want to spend time with them, I make it a huge priority to me. I prioritize other things so that I can adjust my schedule to have time with them. Especially being in a past military relationship, TIME together is important and shows your love. They may get deployed, sent to the field, go to a school and be gone for months at a time. When they are home its important to spent as much time as possible together. Again, this may be a fault in me because I neglect other relationships in my life and I hope in the future once I get into another romantic relationship that I can balance it more. If you want to know a person's priorities look how they spend their time. Do they spend all their time at work, at church, with the ones that love them? Look at where they spend the majority of time and that will show you where their priorities are. The greatest gift you can ever give someone is your TIME. The most desired form of love is focused attention, especially for us women. I would take away all my earthly possessions to have focused time with the ones I love. That means no cell phones! This is hard for all of us in this day and age but we need to give the people we love our focused attention. Guys often times do not get this. They think I am providing for there every need, they should feel loved! For us women the focused attention, one on one time is so important. For those of you that have kids that means date nights without the kids as well. It's important for your relationship.

THE BEST TIME TO LOVE IS NOW!!!

- One day I will enter into another romantic relationship and I hope and pray that I can be more balanced in my love. I definitely make that relationship my first priority and it should be once we are married but I should not neglect my other relationships. Of course, my relationship with God comes first, then will be my spouse, then children. I pray for God to send me my future husband but until then I am going to spread my love, especially to His family. I challenge you if you are single to trust in God's timing, as hard as it is, it's his perfect timing! Pray for exactly what you want in your spouse. Write it out. Give God every detail. I heard God tell me after my last break up, tell me exactly what you want in your spouse. I wrote it out. I then had a lady at work tell me to tell God exactly what you want. I wrote out another list. Then again Pastor Brent Purvis from Cascade Hills Church preached on prayer and he said you have to tell God exactly what you want from hair color, to career, to height, etc. I then proceeded to make a 3 page list and left room to add more. Of course some of those I can budge on but some I will not. I challenge you, tell God what you want and in the meantime focus on your relationship with God. He will reveal things to you and others may often times confirm it.

Point to Ponder: Life is all about love.
Verse to Remember: "The entire law is summed up in a single command: 'Love thy neighbor as yourself.' Galatians 5:14
Question to Consider: Honestly, are relationships my first priority? How can I ensure that they are?