- Relationships are worth restoring. Life is about learning how to love and value relationships, don't disregard them. "...our ability to get along with others is a mark of spiritual maturity." (Rick Warren). If we want to get God's blessings in life, we have to learn to be peacemakers." (Rick Warren) Peacemaking is one of the most important things to learn in life. Peacemaking is not to avoid conflict its to talk it out and work it out. We need to pray for the holy spirits guidance. Peacemaking is not appeasement. Just because we are christians, doesn't mean we should allow others to run over us.
There are 7 Biblical Steps On HOW TO RESTORE A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Talk to God before talking to the person.
- If we have a problem with a person we should discuss it with God before we confront the person. "If you will pray about the conflict first instead of gossiping to a friend, you will often discover that either God changes your heart or he changes the other person's without your help." (Rick Warren). Instead of gossiping to anyone that will listen we should talk to God about the conflict. Tell Him your frustrations, cry out to him! He doesn't get upset by any of our emotions. Some of our needs can only be met by God. No one can meet all our needs but God. James 4:1-2 says, "What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God." Often times we look to others to make us happy and get angry when they fail us. We need to place God first. This one I really struggle with. I do not enjoy being single I like having a boyfriend and I can not wait to get married but I can't let someone else dictate my happiness. I need to embrace my singleness as hard as it is. Not one person on this earth can give me everything. Not one person can make me 100% truly happy.
2. Always take initiative.
- Whether you are the offender or the offended, God expects us as christians to make the first move to repair the relationship. We should not procrastinate or make excuses. "Delay only deepens resentment and makes matters worse. In conflict, time heals nothing, it causes hurts to fester." (Rick Warren). If we act quickly after a argument it reduces the spiritual damage to us. Unresolved conflict blocks fellowship with God and keeps are prayers from being answered, not to mention it makes us miserable. I know for me I can't eat or sleep if I know someone is mad at me. It eats away at my heart. When you are going to meet with the person you are on in conflict with, don't meet when either of you are tired, rushed, hungry, or you will be interrupted. You need to wait until both of you are at your best.
3. Sympathize with their feelings.
- Rick Warren says, "Use your ears more than your mouth." It is more important for us to listen to peoples feelings and let them unload emotionally. We need to make sure we are tuned in and are not defensive. Resentment towards people makes us act and think in foolish ways. We need to keep our hearts open and sympathize with their feelings.
4. Confess your part of the conflict.
- It is important that we admit our mistakes. We may need to ask a 3rd party to evaluate our actions before meeting with the person we are in conflict with. I would advice that if you are dating someone or married to someone that it is not one of your family members. This can cause conflict in the relationship as they are always going to take your side and if you are constantly nagging about your significant other to family that is how they are going to see them and then you are going to wonder why they don't like your significant other. Always say positive things about the person you are dating/married to to your family. We need to also talk to God and ask God if we are the problem. "Often the way we handle a conflict creates a bigger hurt than the original problem itself." (Rick Warren). If we humbly admit our mistakes it defuses the other persons anger and disarms their attack.
5. Attack the problem, not the person
- Often times when we get into conflict we are pointing the finger at who did what and who said what. "You cannot fix the problem if you're consumed with fixing the blame." (Rick Warren). Proverbs 15:1 says, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." We need to by wise in choosing our words. We can get the same point across and in a more affective way without raising our voices or cussing. How you say something is just as important of what you say. If you go in with attitude and talk to the person its not going to end well. We need to have an open heart and sympathy for that person whether you are the offender or offended. Ephesians 4:29 says, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." We need to not bring up old hurts and pains as well. We only need to try and resolve the conflict we are currently in.
6. Cooperate as much as possible.
- Romans 12:18 says, "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Peace always has a price tag but we should work on having as much peace with everyone as possible. We will need to compromise on things.
7. Emphasize reconciliation, not resolution.
- It's unrealistic to think that everyone is going to agree with everything you say. We are all raised differently and have different backgrounds so inevitable there are going to be some conflicts. "Reconciliation focuses on the relationship, while resolution focuses on the problem." (Rick Warren). We as christians need to focus on reconciliation. We can disagree without being disagreeable. "God expects unit, not uniformity." (Rick Warren). We don't have to agree on everything but we should work together for God's good.
Point to Ponder: Relationships are always worth restoring.
Verse to Remember: "Do everything possible on your part to live in peace with everybody." Romans 12:18
Question to Consider: Who do I need to restore a broken relationship with today?
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