Baby Krautter take one

 Wow! I can't believe it has been since 2017 since I last wrote in this blog! A lot has happened since 2017. I am now married and living in Alabama. Believe it or not my life is still leading me to the title of this blog, "Everything happens for a reason". I'm going to be honest, it has been really hard to believe that in the last few months. This blog will be turning to everything trying to conceive, TTC, and pregnancy. It is just another avenue to get things off my chest and to hopefully help others in the same situation as me. So lets get started...

Our avenue of TTC started in October 2020. Daniel, my husband, and I always knew we wanted to start a family shortly after getting married. We wanted to wait a year, then a year turned to 6 months, then 6 months turned to let's start trying now at about 4-5 months. So given my history of thyroid cancer I went to the doctor just to get check out and to make sure my thyroid was good for TTC. I was given a referral to maternal fetal medicine, MFM, just to get guidance on where my levels should be for pregnancy. It was over a month before I could get into MFM. We decided we were going to stop being "careful". I do not use birth control, I just naturally track my cycles with basal body temperature, BBT, and ovulation tests, OPK. It works well for us and avoids unnecessary hormones into my body. 

First pregnancy tests

As my November cycle was approaching I was eager to test to see if maybe we had gotten pregnant this cycle. I really wasn't expecting a positive as an OBGYN we knew told us it was taking her patients 6 months to a year to get pregnant. Which pushed us to start trying NOW! I remember I saw tests that could detect 6 days before your missed period so I was eager to test. I was off work that Friday because I was running a half marathon on Saturday and my friends were coming up. I went to Walmart to buy some tests after work on Thursday and I think that was 7 days before my missed period. I remember testing and seeing a negative but honestly it was probably a faint positive. I had never really taken a pregnancy test so I assumed it needed to be a darker line so I just shrugged it off. If you've been apart of the TTC journey for any amount of time you know how we study these tests, going back and forth checking to see if it "turned positive". I remember going back and looking again and looking back I know it was a positive but being my first ever pregnancy test, I thought it was a negative.

PREGNANT

1/2 marathon

Saturday comes and I run the half marathon with Daniel and my running crew. I was super nauseous after the race but I just assumed it was from being out of shape. I waited for my period to come and it was Wednesday the following week and I was either due to start that day or the next. I remember having cramps, like period cramps, that morning. I assumed my period was coming. That night I took a test and it was CLEARLY positive!! I still didn't believe it, I ran to the store and got a digital. It said PREGNANT!!!! I was sooooo excited!!! I couldn't believe we got pregnant so quick! Daniel was excited as well. I called the next day to make my first appointment. My first appointment was scheduled for December 1st and I was so excited! I could not wait to tell my family, especially my mom. I was already planning to go home the weekend after my appointment so I planned to wait until then to tell her in person. Best thing was I would be due around her birthday, how cool!

So a couple weeks go by, I really wasn't feeling any different. Maybe a little more tired but nothing awful Minimal nausea, which was AMAZING! Then the week of Thanksgiving comes around and I had systemic itching. I was so itchy all over. I thought it was weird but I wasn't too concerned. Then November 24th the day before Thanksgiving I woke up to some bleeding and I was terrified. Ive never been pregnant but I knew this wasn't good. The bleeding wasn't much and it stopped very quickly. Luckily I was able to get into the doctor that day. She assured me it could be normal but even if I was miscarrying there was nothing they could do at this point, I was too early on and 1 in 3 women have a miscarriage unfortunately. She offered me a transvaginal ultrasound but stated they may not be able to even see anything since its so early. We opted not to have the ultrasound as it could cause anxiety I didn't need. The bleeding had stopped so we assumed we were good.

5k

Thanksgiving day I woke up and no bleeding! I ran a 5k and felt great. Friday was fine as well. Saturday I was spotting a little but not a lot. Sunday I woke up to cramping and more spotting. I was terrified and I just knew deep down that this was the beginning of the end. I ended up talking with my heart sister Jeanie Gregory on the phone and was able to get myself up and go to church. I was giving it to Him. While I was in church I had horrible cramps and I just knew we had lost the baby. I get home from church and I beginning to pass clots and tissue. Daniel was a work at the time and it was rough to be going through this alone. Not only was it emotionally painful but physically it was a well. It was so hard to "know" what was happening but at the same time not know. I was hoping for the best but deep down I knew we had lost our baby.

Monday comes around and I was able to get into the doctor and get an ultrasound to confirm the nightmare was true. I had miscarried. I am 1 and 3. It was hard. I blamed myself. Maybe if I hadn't run that half marathon...maybe if I didn't work so much....maybe if I (fill in the blank). Not a lot of people share about their struggles with infertility and miscarriage so it was hard. I felt like I was alone. Not to mention we didn't have a huge support system or family around us. We were told these things happen and it doesn't mean anything is wrong. We could try again. Little did I know the adventure we were about to go on....