Purpose Driven Life Day 7

Day 7, May 7th, "The Reason for Everything"

  - Do you ever ponder what the reason is for everything and anything you are doing? The answer to that question is to give GLORY TO GOD! We need to live for giving God glory. Revelations 21:23 says, "The city does not need the sun or the moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light, and the Lamb is its lamp." In heaven there is no sun or moon because all the light is provided by the glory of God. There are only two of god's creations that fail to bring him glory. The first one is fallen angels (demons), and the second one is us (people). Of all of the things God created only two things can fail to bring glory to God and we as people are one of those two. Rick Warren says, "All sin at its root is failing to give God glory." None of us, no matter if you are the pastor or the homeless guy on the street give God the full glory he deserves. There are 5 ways that we can bring glory to God.
    1. Worship Him
           - This is our number one responsibility as believers. "God wants us to be motivated by love, thanksgiving, and delight, not duty." Rick Warren. As a kid I was not motivated by love, thanksgiving, or delight to go to church. I went because my mom made me. Yes I accepted God as my Lord and Savior at a young age but I didn't worship God the way I should. I grew up in a very traditional small Lutheran church. When I went to college I wanted to get more involved in a more contemporary church. I tried one my freshman year but did not really get into going back to church and fully diving in until my senior year. Then, when I moved down to Newberry, SC I got baptized and have not looked back sense. At times though my faith is stronger than at other times. We need to learn to enjoy God, love him, and put ourself to use for HIS purpose. Everything we do can become and act of worship. I know for me I listen to worship music while I workout and while I am driving. It puts me in a good mood and sets my mind right plus I am worshipping God. Maybe one day once I get settled I will sing and help others worship...maybe.
    2. Love Other Believers
          - When you accept God as your Lord and Savior you become a part of God's family. We need to learn to love like God does. Dr. A.T Stewart was a guest speaker at Cascade Hills Church one Sunday and he talked about how we need to love our wife/husband/significant other how God loves the church. This sermon was very good to hear at the time and reading today about loving other believers reminded me of this. You can listen to it by downloading the Cascade Hills app on your phone and it is under messages titled, "Your wife's greatest need." We need to love others like God loves the church. So often we get caught up in ourselves that we forget to love on others and show them God's love. We need to love how God does, unconditionally. This could be a message to you for your spouse/significant other, your friend, or an other believers.
    3. Becoming Like Christ
          - We need to grow our spiritual maturity. We need to become more like Jesus, in the way we think, feel, and act. Lately, I find myself asking would God approve of this show I am watching? Would he approve of the way I am feeling or acting? You have to ask yourself these questions and have quiet time with God to become more like him.
    4. Serving Others with Our Gifts
          - We are all uniquely designed by God. God "wired" us in a certain way on purpose. We all have attributes given to us to benefit others. We need to use those to help other people and serve other people. We need to use the talents God has given us to serve others. I am very good with taking care of people and just serving God's people. I work well in the healthcare setting because I get fulfillment in helping other people. Here is a picture of a guy I was taking care of in AZ on the weekends.
My heart feels full when I serve others. I think thats why I enjoy having a significant other so much. I like to help people and be with someone that appreciates it. I like cooking dinner and doing laundry to help someone else out. I like making someone feel good by sending them decorated care packages, letters, text, etc. I like having that void in my life filled. But, I need to learn to love myself more and love and serve God more because once I get into a relationship that loving and serving of God should not change.
     5. Tell Others About Him
         - Once we know God, it is our responsibility as Christians to share the word with others. Bill Purvis always talks about when he goes on a plane that he likes to keep to himself, read, listen to music, etc ., but he always ends up sitting by someone that wants to talk. He mentioned that now when he gets on a plane he prays to God to place him by someone that needs to here about God. Last Friday I was flying into Ohio and I prayed that prayer. I ended up sitting next to two ladies and we didn't really talk until the last hour of the flight but they talked to me and they shared things with me that I needed to hear. We got to talking about the books I was reading and I told them about my recent break up. The one lady was a newly wed that was traveling to Ohio on business, she shared with me that she had a similar situation happen to her, she moved out to AZ because thats where his family was and she got a job out there and her boyfriend at the time was to follow shortly after. She ended up being with him for 5 years and he basically told her I don't want to be with you anymore. Now she is a newly wed that married her best friend from college and is loving her life. I needed to hear that story. The other lady was a retired marine wife and she told me how she prayed and prayed for a baby and at the age of 40 she got one, she adopted. She told me never stop praying. It's amazing the plans God has for us every day. He placed me in that seat for a reason.

What Will You Live For?
      - Living to glorify God will cause us to change our priorities, schedule, relationship, etc. It may be a difficult path versus the easy path but God will give us the strength to live for him if we just choose to do it. For me it starts with my prayer journal and quiet time with God. We need to believe that God loves us, God has a plan, and everything happens for a reason.

Point to Ponder: It's all for him.
Verse to Remember: "For everything comes from God alone. Everything lives by his power, and everything if for his glory." Romans 11:36
Question to Consider: Where in my daily routine can I become more aware of God's glory?

Purpose Driven Life Day 4-6

Day 4, May 4th, "Made to Last Forever" 

     We were made to last forever. Thats right, LIFE ON EARTH IS NOT ALL THERE IS! "Your earthly body is just a temporary residence for your spirit." Rick Warren. There is so much more to life then are time here on earth. 2 Corinthians 5:1 "For we know that if the tent, our earthly home, is torn down, we have a building from God - a home not made with human hands, eternal in the heavens" If you think about it eternity is only heaven or hell. If you have not accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior then you are going to be spending eternity in hell and if you have accepted him you are going to be spending it in peaceful, blissful heaven. "The closer you live to God, the smaller everything else appears." Rick Warren. If we start living for God and not everyone else here on earth we become closer to God and start to see our purpose on earth more clearly. In order for us to make the most of living you can't have short term thinking you must have long term thinking. We have to think more about eternity. This life here on earth is just the tip of the iceberg, eternity is everything

else we can not see of the iceberg. Your purpose in life last for eternity! A lot of us think about eternity when someone passes but in reality we should think about it more often. Hebrew 13:14 "For here we do not have a permanent city, but we seek the city that is to come." Pondering the question of the day I believe I should stop worrying about the future and start living my life and serving God, trust in him, he's got a plan.

Point to Ponder: There is more to life than just here and now.

Verse to Remember: "This world is fading away, along with everything it craves. But if you do the will of God, you will live forever." 1 John 2:17

Question to Remember: Since I was made to last forever, what is the one thing I should stop doing and the one thing I should start doing today? 

Day 5, May 5th, "Seeing Life from God's View"
    Do you every wonder how God views your life? It's a good question to ponder. Rick Warren says, "The way you see your life shapes your life." So, how do you see or view your life? This is a hard question for me, I honestly don't know how I see my life. I guess I would say I picture my life like driving up Pike's Peak in Colorado Springs. Lots of windy roads, beautiful scenery, beautiful views, scary twist and turns, and when you finally get to the top its a breathless view. I have a lot of twist and turns in my life. I thought I was going to get a gymnastics scholarship and go to Kent State for college for a long time. I ended up with no scholarship and went to Eastern Michigan. I've had cancer 3 times. I had a break up from the person I thought was to be my future spouse. Each one of these experiences has brought me to be a stronger person and has given me different beautiful and breathless views on life. I'm not to the top of "Pikes Peak" yet thats heaven! Romans 12:2 "Do not be
conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." God's view on life is metaphoric in the Bible in 3 different ways, only the first 2 are talked about in this chapter the 3rd will be talked about on day 6.
    1. Life is a Test
          - Our character is developed and revealed by the tests we go through. I'm going through a test right now in my life. We are constantly being tested. Tests from God can be overwhelming and some we barely notice. Some areas that we are tested in are; major changes in our lives, delayed promises from God, impossible problems, unanswered prayers, undeserved criticism, and senseless tragedies are just a few. "How do you act when you can't feel God's presence?" There are times when God draws back from our lives to test us and our character. At times like this he is preparing us for more responsibility. 2 Corinthians 32:31 "God withdrew from Hezekiah in order to test him and to see what was really in his heart." God never allows the tests in our lives to be greater than this grace. At times for me this is hard. There are times when I feel God's presence so much and other times I don't and really have to toon in on his word, mediate, and prayer journal. Everyday and every second we have an opportunity to deepen our character, demonstrate our love, and depend on God. I listened to a sermon last night by Rick Warren and he said you should spend the first 7 minutes of your day with God. Don't watch the news, don't check your phone, turn your alarm off or press the snooze and pray, mediate, read the bible. He said it will significantly increase your mood. I tried it today and will continue to do it. When we pass a test that God gives us we are rewarded eternally.
    2. Life is Trust
           - "We are stewards of whatever God gives us." Rick Warren. We don't "own" anything on earth , God loaned it to us and he will loan it to someone else once we go to heaven. "Society says if you don't own it you won't take care of it but, as Christians we live at a higher standard, because God owns it." Rick Warren. We should never boast about our accomplishments because we didn't do them on our own. God helped us. God gave us the talents to accomplish them. God gives us more the more he trust us. This is where I want to stress tithing. There is only one place in the bible that God asks us to test him and its with our tithe. Tithing is giving 10% of your income to the church before taxes. Now I know for a lot of you, you are thinking I could never do that! I'm telling you you can! Trust in God, test him. I have been tithing now for 3 years, I may not had a lot but I have always had enough to pay my bills. I have more in savings then ever before. I will never stop tithing. Trust in GOD! "God says there is a direct relationship between how I use my money and the quality of my spiritual life." Rick Warren.

Point to Ponder: Life is a test and a trust.
Verse to Remember: "Unless you are faithful in small matters, you won't be faithful in large ones." Luke 16:10a
Question to Remember: What has happened to me recently that I now realize was a test from God? What are the greatest matters God has entrusted to me?

Day 6, May 6th "Life is a TEMPORARY assignment"
     Life on earth is so brief compared to the eternity that we are going to spend in our home in heaven as christians. As christians we should not get too attached to anything here on earth because compared to the time we are going to spend in heaven, life here on earth is so brief. We as christians should ask God to see life how he sees it, this will help us to get a better perspective of are time here. People that come over to our country for work get "green cards" that they have to carry around with them; as christians we should get "spiritual green cards" to live on earth because this is not our ultimate home. We are citizens of heaven not earth. God says that we should not care to much about
earthly things, we should not live for the here and now, we need to think more eternally and not flirt with earthly things. In James 4:4 God even calls it adultery to be friends with the world more than him, "You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God." Rick Warren says, "...its easy to forget the pursuit of happiness in not what life is about." So often we get caught up in pursing everything here on earth and we forget about God and ultimately what life is about. I know I do this. When I get "happy" I stop going to bible studies and my prayer life diminishes to only the times when I need God. In reality I ALWAYS need God and should never turn my back on him. Yesterday we talked about the two ways God views life and today I am going to talk about the third way.
     3. Life is a Temporary Assignment
            - "In order to keep us from becoming too attached to earth, God allows us to feel a significant amount of discontent and dissatisfaction in life - longings that will never be fulfilled on this side of eternity." Rick Warren. We will never be 100% happy here on earth because this is not our permeant home! Heaven is! This one is hard for me, but we shouldn't waste our time worrying about something this is so temporary. I am the biggest worry wart! I worry about not worrying. This is an area I so desperately struggle in. I need to have more faith and trust. God has a plan and everything happens for a reason.

Point to Ponder: This world is not my home.
Verse to Remember: " So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:18
Question to Consider: How should the fact that life on earth is just a temporary assignment change the way I am living right now? 

Purpose Driven Life Days 1-3

Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren.

So I started this journey May 1, 2017. I have read through this book but not in the correct way and in the way you are suppose to, one chapter a day for 40 days. You are suppose to do this with someone because like it says in the bible: "Two are better off than one, because together they can work more effectively. If one of them falls down, the other can help him up...Two people can resist and attack that would defeat one person alone. A rope made of three cords is hard to break." Ecclesiastes 4:9 So my best friend Liv Lawnick and I are starting this journey together and eventually Lauren Stout will be joining us. So here is to the next 40 days of finding our purpose. At the end of each chapter there is a point to ponder, verse to remember and question to consider I will put these at the end of each day

Day 1, May 1st, "It All Starts with God":
    IT ALL STARTS WITH GOD! So many times in my life I get brought off center from this I start getting into my worldly possessions and desires when that is not where my mind should be. This life isn't about me. "Your purpose is far greater than your own personal fulfillment." Rick Warren. We were created for a bigger purpose then the career we choose, the spouse we have, the worldly possessions we have and desire. If we want to know why we are placed here on earth we have to begin with God. We were born by his purpose and for his purpose! If we continue to focus on ourselves we will NEVER reveal our life's purpose, we need to focus on God. "You cannot arrive at life's purpose by focusing on yourself." Rick Warren. Being successful and fulfilling your life's purpose are not the same. You can go your whole life and reach all your goals and dreams and still miss the purpose God created you for! You have to ASK GOD. Talk to him, communicate with him through prayer, meditation, and turn to God's word and not the world's wisdom. Their are so many self help books out there trying to guide you but those are nothing compared to how God can guide you if you trust him. Trust me, I struggle just as much as the next person when it comes to fully trusting God and surrendering to him. I am not perfect, no one is.

Point to Ponder: It's not about me.
Verse to Remember: "Everything got started in him and finds its purpose in him." Colossians 1:16b
Question to Consider: In spite of all the advertising around me, how can I remind myself that life is really about living for God, not myself?


Day 2, May 2nd, "You Are Not an Accident":
   YOU ARE NOT AN ACCIDENT! Your parents may not have planned for you but GOD did! Long before you were conceived you were conceived in God's mind. God created you with intention and purpose. He chose the parents you were to have. He chose every detail of you! He chose your hair color, your skin color, the freckles you have, the moles you have, etc. He also chose what talents you were going to have and what your personality was going to be like. He also decided when you would be born and how long you will live. Every detail in your life he has planned out. Now at times this is hard to believe. God planned for me to have cancer 3 times? Yes, he did because it has made me a stronger person! God planned for me to meet the guys I met and go through the break ups and heart aches? Yes, he did! He did it to make me a stronger person and grow in my faith and trust in him. Every detail of our lives is planned out. Its not a coincidence that the people you meet are in your life they are their for a reason, a season, and a purpose! Psalm 139:16: "You saw me before I was born and scheduled each day of my life before I began to breathe. Every day was recorded in your book!" You see that, EVERY DAY WAS RECORDED IN HIS BOOK! Hard to believe at times but God does have a plan. "Nothing in your life is arbitrary. It's all for a purpose." Rick Warren. God has a reason for everything he creates. Isaiah 46:3-4 "...I have carried you since you were born; I have taken care of you from your birth. Even when you are old, I will be the same. Even when your hair has turned gray, I will take care of you. I made you and will take care of you. I will carry you and save you."

Russell Kelfer wrote this poem and it helps bring it all together:

You are who you are for a reason.
You're a part of an intricate plan.
You're a precious and perfect unique design,
Called God's special woman or man.

You look like you look for a reason
Our God made no mistake.
He knit you together within the womb,
You're just what he wanted to make.

The parents you had were the ones he chose,
And no matter how you may feel,
They were custom-designed with God's plan in mind,
And they bear the Master's seal.

No, that trauma you faced was not easy.
And God wept that it hurt you so;
But it was allowed to shape your heart
So that into his likeness you'd grow.

You are who you are for a reason
You've been formed by the Master's rod.
You are who you are, beloved,
Because there is a God!

Point to Ponder: I am not an accident.
Verse to Remember: "I am your Creator. You were in my care even before you were born." Isiah 44:2
Question to Consider: Knowing that God uniquely created me, what areas of my personality, background, and physical appearance am I struggling to accept?

Day 3, May 3rd, "What Drives Your Life?"
    Each day I read a chapter I go "Wow" this book is a life changer and so amazing! I missed so much the first time I read it and I don't think it's by chance that I am reading it again and in the correct way. Today Rick Warren talks about what drives your life. "The man without a purpose is like a ship without a rudder - a waif, a nothing, a no man." - Thomas Carlyle
The 5 most common things people are driven by:
   1. Guilt
         - These types of people are manipulated by memories and they allow the past to control their future. They end up sabotaging their own success because of the guilt that they have.
"We are products of our past but we do not have to be prisoners to them." Rick Warren
"God specializes in giving people a fresh start." Rick Warren
Personally I feel I struggle with this one a little but it is not my strongest driving force.
   2. Resentment/Anger
         - These types of people hold on to hurts and never get over them. "Resentment always hurts you more than the person you resent." Rick Warren "Those that have hurt you in the past can not continue to hurt you now unless you hold on to the pain of resentment." Rick Warren
This one I do struggle a little more with I have some resentment right now and I let it ruin my day at times and as time goes on it gets better. This is not my top driving force but it is part of it.
   3. Fear
         - These types of people have the fear to venture out and end up missing out on opportunities.  I see this a lot, people are afraid to move away from home or quit a job and start something new. They play it safe to avoid risks. "Fear is a self-imposed prison that will keep you from becoming what God intends for you to be." Rick Warren
In the past I have struggled with this but now I would say I don't have this as a driving force. I've moved several times away and switched jobs and careers multiple times. Each time I have fear but God always takes care of me and is guiding me to my purpose.
    4. Materialism 
        - These types of people desire to acquire. They need to realize that possessions can only provide temporary happiness. Shopping and buying things can feel great at the time but again its temporary happiness. We have to realize that the most valuable things in life are not things. When I am going through a rough time I sometimes want to just go buy things and going on a huge shopping spree but that just leaves me happy for a few moments and then broke and my happiness is gone.
    5. Approval 

        - This one is ME exactly! These types of people are always worried about what others think. "One key to failure is to try to please everyone." I struggle badly with this one. "Being controlled by the opinions is a guaranteed way to miss God's purposes for your life." Rick Warren So often I am seeking the approval of others whether it be my parents, a significant other, or friends. I am a chronically nice person and I always want to please everyone. It eats away at my heart if someone is mad a me. I can't eat, I can't sleep, it's bad. This is a big area i need to work on. The only approval I should be seeking is God's.

5 Benefits of Living a Purpose Driven Life
    1. You Find Meaning to your LIFE
         - Without God life has no purpose. We were all created for a purpose! You need to hope to cope.
Jeremiah 29:11 "I say this because I know what I am planning for you," says the Lord. "I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you. I will give you hope and a good future."
    2. Simplifies Your LIFE
         - You being to figure out which activities are essential and which are not. You need to ask yourself, "Does this help me fill God's purpose for my life?" If there are things in your life that you can't get done its because you are doing more than what God intended for you to do. Slow your life down and realize the essential activities. "People who don't know their purpose try to do too much - and that causes stress, fatigue, and conflict." Rick Warren
    3. Focuses your LIFE
        - Living a purpose driven life helps you focus on whats important. "Without a clear purpose you will keep changing directions, jobs, circumstances, relationship, churches, etc," Rick Warren I have done this so much in the past 3 years its unbelievable. I truly believe I have found my purpose in serving others now and being a PTA but it will be interesting to see once I finish these 40 days. To focus you have to prune things and people from your life. It is important that you do not confuse activity with productivity. Just because you are busy doesn't mean you are productive.
    4. Motivates YOU
        - When you find your purpose you always find your passion. I feel very fulfilled when I am serving others. I enjoy helping others and serving others.
    5. Prepares YOU for eternity
       - So many people these days want to be remembered on earth when they are gone but the thing we need to realize is all achievements eventually will be surpassed, "You were not put on earth to be remembered." Rick Warren You serve a greater purpose then to be remembered for your earthly achievements. God is preparing us to be able to answer the questions, "What did you do with my son, Jesus Christ?" Did you accept him as your Lord and savior? The other question his is preparing us for is, "What did you do with what I gave you?" This includes your gifts, talents, opportunities, relationships, and resources. Good questions to think about.

Point to Ponder: Living on purpose is the path to peace.
Verse to Remember: "You, LORD, give perfect peace to those who keep their purpose firm and put their trust in you." Isaiah 26:5
Question to Consider: What would my family and friends say in the driving force of my life? What do I want it to be?

Remembering EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON!

First off, I apologize for not writing for a long time but I have been through so many ups and downs. Good news is I have been in remission for 3 years now!!! I came to the realization today that I have a blog that is titled "Everything Happens for a Reason" yet, I struggle with believing that. Currently, I am going through a hard break up and I am learning to trust in God and trust in myself. Every day is a struggle for me. Each day I wake up and I feel the devil on one shoulder trying to bring me down and God on the other side picking me up. I was so invested and so committed to this relationship, I sacrificed so much and loved so deeply. I forgot a lot of the values and rules that God has given us, I lived with the guy before marriage. Now I know that living with your significant other before marriage is common these days but its not biblical and God's not going to bless the relationship if you do not follow the rules he has laid out for us. We are both christian's and knew better but due to our own selfish wants and financial gains for moving in together we lived together. Now I've learned my lesson and I will not do that again and I will seek God more and follow his laws that he has laid out for us. Don't get me wrong I do not regret the relationship at all I have learned a lot and I have grown a lot in many areas of my life. I am physically stronger and healthier. I am spiritually the strongest I have every been. Mentally I'm a work in progress as the ending to our relationship ended by him telling me that I am everything he wants in a spouse, I made him happy, but I did not get "God's vote in marriage". That messes with my mind a lot but I am working through it and will be stronger and closer to God with the battles I am facing. Financially he taught me so much from tithing to saving and eventually investing. I've learned that everyone comes into your life for a reason, a season, and a purpose whether good or bad. I have so many good memories and some not so good memories but the good memories far out way the bad. Thank you TJ for all the good memories, I am grateful you were a chapter in my life.

But here I am and I have a blog that is titled "Everything Happens for a Reason" but do I believe it? I'm struggling hard with that, this guy was everything I wanted in a spouse. I felt secure with him and he filled the voids I had. I had a warm feeling with him and now its gone. It's been about 5-6 weeks now and I have gotten closer to God and I'm learning a lot about myself and a lot about what exactly I want. I've been in a difficult situation sense he is deployed, I've been living with his family in AZ to finish school and again save us money while he is deployed. I am moving back to Ohio at the end of the week, finishing my clinical assignments for physical therapist assistant school, taking my boards and then I will see where God directs my life from there. I'm learning more then every to lean on him and trust in him. I struggle with once I am happy and things start going great in my life I stop spending my quit time with God. I feel when I am with a guy I get some idolatry going on with them and its not right. I need to also put God above all and lean on him all the time not just when I am going through a storm.

I've met some great people through social media pages and blogs and some old friends that are here to support me every step of the way and through every minute of the day when I need them. My family as well have been very supportive. A few songs that are getting me through these difficult times are "Every Storm Runs Out of Rain" by Gary Allan, thank you Brett Macy for that suggestion. Another song that was on my phone and came on when I got in the car all the time is "By Your Side" by Tenth Avenue. Now, this song when I heard it would make me so angry because I would think of my ex and be like no your not by my side but one of my friends, Justine Carlson sent it to me in a email and it made me realize that this song isn't about a worldly man being by your side its about God being by my side through everything. All worship songs have helped as well but the one that gets me every time and has sense I was baptized is "Whom Shall I Fear" by Chris Tomlin. Whenever I hear this song I feel God's presence and I know that something good is about to happen in my life. It puts a smile on my face whenever I hear it.

I recently started rereading Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. I have read it before and you are suppose to read a chapter a day and take it in journal about and talk about it with someone else. My best friend Liv Lawnick and I are doing it together and I am going to try to blog about it every week to show what I am learning and growing. There is 40 chapters and 40 days is very spiritually significant time period in the bible. God shows that 40 days is a spiritually significant in many ways. He shows whenever he wants to show someone there purpose he takes 40 days. A few examples of this is Noah's life was transformed by 40 days of rain and Moses was transformed by 40 days on Mount Sinai. For the second time reading this I am going to go through it like you are suppose to a chapter a day for 40 days and see what God shows me. Now I think I know my purpose and through sermons I have heard throughout the years especially by Bill Purvis at Cascade Hills Church in Columbus, GA, I know what my spiritual gifts are they are serving. I feel so fulfilled helping others and having an impact on there life. It's taken me a long time to figure this out but physical therapy is definitely what I am called to do its just where? in what setting? in which state? and with what type of people? I hope to learn the answer to these questions over the next 40 days and the months leading up to taking my boards and applying for jobs.

Another friend of mind recommended some sermons to listen to to get me back to "baseline". I have only listened to 2 of the 7-8 he has recommended but they have really helped me understand EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. The two I've listened to so far are both by Rick Warren. The first one is titled "Winning the Hand you are Dealt" and the second one is titled "Transformed: Change your life by Changing your Mind". Both have been
amazing and I highly recommend listening to
them, they can be found on youtube. Also any sermon by Bill Purvis or Brent Purvis from Cascade Hills Church, they have a app or you can go onto there website and listen to them.

It's all about finding myself again! Finding Jenn. It's amazing how in one instance you can think you have your whole life figured out and in the next your lost. I will get through this and I will bounce back stronger and better then ever. God is bringing me back to Northeast Ohio for the time being and as much as I don't want to go back to my hometown and live with my family again, no offense family :) I'm just 27, I know God has a purpose for me there. I pray he reveals it to me. I think I know what is. I think I am suppose to help my sister get back in church and get saved. I think I'm suppose to help my brother's girlfriend find her purpose. God has a plan and it will be revealed. I know I don't want to stay in Ohio but he is calling me back there for the time being so I am going to embrace it. We will see where God leads me from there once I graduate and pass my boards. He's got a plan and I just need to TRUST HIM.

Surgery #3

        Someone that has never had cancer does not understand the fear a cancer survivor has going into their next appointment. Friends and family can be there for you and tell you everything is going to be alright but, until they are in your position and have to lay down on the table to be examined for cancer, they will not truly understand that fear. 

     It was July 2014 and I was going home to visit family and of course to get checked to see if I was in remission. My trips home seemed to always be centered around going up to Cleveland Clinic and seeing if the cancer has returned. I can never just go home for leisure anymore, it is always a trip to the doctor that brings me back up north. My doctors appointment this time had been scheduled for a day before I was supposed to return back to Georgia. My dad and I once again headed up to Cleveland Clinic to see Dr. Shin. I had been offered a job at the school I was an athletic trainer for the previous year, to be a full-time teacher and was eager to get back and get started. My friend/gymnastics coach, Amy, was at the Cleveland Clinic going through her radiation to remove the rest of her thyroid cancer. We got lunch together and talked about how crazy it was that we both had thyroid cancer. It was then time for me to go to my appointment. We got there and Dr. Shin performed the ultrasound and just said "I'm Sorry." Of course I knew what that meant, the cancer was back and I would need another surgery. I was on a roll now, every 6 months I would need a surgery. I was beyond frustrated. Dr Shin had a opening for the following day for surgery. I jumped at the opportunity to have surgery quickly so that I could return to Georgia. I was missing TJ and just wanted him there with me. We drove home and called family and friends to inform them of the news. I was depressed and so frustrated, I just wanted to live my life cancer free.
      The next morning we drove back up to the Cleveland Clinic for my surgery. Dr. Shin had told me that the surgery would take a few hours. I was wheeled into the operating room and giving anesthesia.  I woke up in the recovery room and about five hours had passes sense I was taken in. I was confused, why had it taken so long? The nurse came in and told me that one of my blood vessels was clipped during the procedure and that that is why it had taken so long. Everything was okay now though and the bleeding was controlled. Dr. Shin told me that they had taken 6 lymph nodes out and sent them to pathology and I would need to return for my follow up appointment in one week and then I could return to Georgia.
     I returned a week later and the pathology report showed metastatic papillary thyroid carcinoma tall cell variant in four of the six lymph nodes, the largest measuring 1.7cm in diameter. She told me that she would monitor me every three months instead of six months now. I would need to return in October during my fall break. At that time we would determine if I should have radiation.
     The cancer was gone for now but Dr. Shin told me this more then likely would not be my last surgery as tall cell variant was an aggressive cell type. Not the news I wanted to hear but I was good for now and ready to move on with my life. Until next time Ohio. 

Modified Radical Neck Dissection

Modified Radical Neck Dissection... I don't know about you but, the name of the procedure I was about to have just scared me. Dissection? Didn't you do a dissection on something that was dead? I once dissected a frog in 8th grade. Why was I having a dissection done? What all were they taking out?
It was the end of January and I was headed back to Ohio to have my procedure done. I was feeling very low and depressed. TJ and I had stopped talking and I felt very alone. Although, the day before I headed home, we had talked and hung out for awhile. I was hopeful when I got back that we could hang out again.
So many thoughts were running through my mind. Was I going to have to have a surgery every 6 months? Why did the radiation not work?
I flew home and the next day and I had to go in for my surgery.
Surgery day had come and I was worried about the drain that they were going to have to put in. The thought of having a drain coming out of my neck freaked me out. I went in for my surgery and Dr. Shin was cheerful and eager to get started. She told me everything was going to be okay and she was going to try and get everything.
So I counted backwards from 10...9...8...........
The next thing I know I am waking up to Dr. Shin checking my drain. She was worried about the color of the fluid coming out. It needed to be a clearish yellow color and was a slightly milky color. She told me I needed to be on a low fat diet and that she would send a dietitian to talk to me about what I could eat. So, now I had a drain in my neck and I could not eat much. Not to mention my dad had promised me the cheesecake factory after my surgery and with a limit of 10 grams of fat a day, I'd say cheesecake was out of the question. They brought me my food which consisted of cereal, a salad with no dressing, and an apple. She told me I was to be on the diet for about 5 days and then I could go back to eating normal. I had chyle leak which is a leak in my lymphatic system. I either stayed on this diet or Dr. Shin would have to go back in and repair the leak. I chose the diet but was NOT thrilled about it, I wanted my cherry cheesecake!!!
After a night in the hospital I was headed home. On the way home I started to feel nauseous. I got settled in on the recliner and fell asleep for a little. I woke up to feeling EXTREMELY nauseous. I went to sit up and go to the restroom but I could not make up, I threw up all over myself. Now, throwing up is crappy by itself but, when you just had neck surgery and have a drain in your neck it is even worse! For the first time I truly felt like a cancer patient. 
As the days progressed it did not get much better. My neck was swollen, I could not shower with the drain in and I could not sleep flat on my back without feeling super nauseous. Not one friend had called or stopped over to visit me. I was VERY frustrated and sad. I felt like I was going through this without the support of friends. Thank God for family! My doctor and I had been texting back in forth. I had to send her pictures of my drain for her to assess if the diet was working. On Saturday, she told me I could eat a little more fat so I ate some spaghetti. Not even an hour later, the fluid in my drain was extremely milky. I was back to 10g of fat a day.
I was scheduled to get my drain out on Monday but due to the amount of fluid my neck was still draining, the appointment got pushed to Wednesday, the day before I was supposed to return to Georgia.
When I finally got my drain out I was so HAPPY!! I could finally shower and wash my hair by myself! My neck was very irritated from the tape and was swollen and sore. I was happy though I was headed back to Georgia tomorrow to see TEEJ!
Then the snow storm of 2014 hit Atlanta and my flight was canceled. I was stuck in Ohio for another day. I finally got a flight out and was able to get back home. TJ met me at Groome and took me home. I did not know where we stood in our friendship, he took my bags up and left. I felt alone. I really wanted my friend back. About a half hour later, TJ text me that I could come hang out if I wanted. I was so happy to have someone here to hang out with.
Sense then TJ has been my rock. We have turned our friendship into a relationship that continues to grow each day. He is my support system and reminds me to be happy and trust in God each and every day.

Everything happens for a reason.

Isaiah 66:9 I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born.

Unexpected News

     Around this time last year, I was home for Christmas and was having a good time with family and friends. I had an upcoming Cleveland Clinic doctors appointment but I was not nervous for it at all. I had finished radiation a month before and was told the cancer was all gone.
     My dad and I made the drive up to Cleveland for my early morning appointment. I was excited to see Dr. Shin and get the news that I was clear of cancer and did not need to come back for six months. Little did I know that I would be getting bad news.
     We arrived a few minutes late and Dr. Shin called me to make sure I was still coming. Once we got into the office, I was taken back immediately to be evaluated. Dr. Shin instructed me to lay back on the ultrasound table so she could examine my neck. Not nervous at all, I hopped up on the table. Dr. Shin began performing the ultrasound and was taking longer than normal. She had the ultrasound on the left side of my neck for a long time. I didn't think much of it, I thought she was just being thorough. She began to tell me that their was a suspicious area but she would be very suprised if it was cancer because all of my blood work looked normal. At this point I started to get worried but not to bad. My blood work was fine so I was hoping it was nothing.
     Dr. Shin decided to preform a biopsy just to be safe. I HATE BIOPSIES! A giant needle to my neck is not the way I wanted to start off my Christmas break! The biopsy was complete and Dr. Shin told me I would hear from her tomorrow about the results.
     My dad and I left the Cleveland Clinic in shock. I thought I was clear of cancer, this was not the news I expected to hear. A million things were going through my head on the drive home. I was upset, I had a feeling it was going to be bad news once I got the phone call. I was just so frustrated, did the radiation not work? Did I go through the low-iodine diet and no synthroid for nothing? I just wanted answers but had to wait a full 24 hours.
    24 hours finally passed and  I got a call from Dr. Shin saying the cancer was back and I would need a modified radical neck dissection. The modified radical neck dissection would consist of removing lymph nodes from the left side of neck and a drain would be placed in my neck during surgery and would remain in my neck for a few days after surgery. I could not have surgery until after the new year due too the holidays ahead. I did not want to wait to long but I also did not want to get it done right away because I needed to be able to go back to work. Cancer was really getting in the way of my career.
    Dr. Shin, my parents, and I decide that I would have surgery the last week in January. I would be able to go back to work for a few weeks and then come back to Ohio once again to go under the knife, hopefully for my last surgery.