Remembering EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON!

First off, I apologize for not writing for a long time but I have been through so many ups and downs. Good news is I have been in remission for 3 years now!!! I came to the realization today that I have a blog that is titled "Everything Happens for a Reason" yet, I struggle with believing that. Currently, I am going through a hard break up and I am learning to trust in God and trust in myself. Every day is a struggle for me. Each day I wake up and I feel the devil on one shoulder trying to bring me down and God on the other side picking me up. I was so invested and so committed to this relationship, I sacrificed so much and loved so deeply. I forgot a lot of the values and rules that God has given us, I lived with the guy before marriage. Now I know that living with your significant other before marriage is common these days but its not biblical and God's not going to bless the relationship if you do not follow the rules he has laid out for us. We are both christian's and knew better but due to our own selfish wants and financial gains for moving in together we lived together. Now I've learned my lesson and I will not do that again and I will seek God more and follow his laws that he has laid out for us. Don't get me wrong I do not regret the relationship at all I have learned a lot and I have grown a lot in many areas of my life. I am physically stronger and healthier. I am spiritually the strongest I have every been. Mentally I'm a work in progress as the ending to our relationship ended by him telling me that I am everything he wants in a spouse, I made him happy, but I did not get "God's vote in marriage". That messes with my mind a lot but I am working through it and will be stronger and closer to God with the battles I am facing. Financially he taught me so much from tithing to saving and eventually investing. I've learned that everyone comes into your life for a reason, a season, and a purpose whether good or bad. I have so many good memories and some not so good memories but the good memories far out way the bad. Thank you TJ for all the good memories, I am grateful you were a chapter in my life.

But here I am and I have a blog that is titled "Everything Happens for a Reason" but do I believe it? I'm struggling hard with that, this guy was everything I wanted in a spouse. I felt secure with him and he filled the voids I had. I had a warm feeling with him and now its gone. It's been about 5-6 weeks now and I have gotten closer to God and I'm learning a lot about myself and a lot about what exactly I want. I've been in a difficult situation sense he is deployed, I've been living with his family in AZ to finish school and again save us money while he is deployed. I am moving back to Ohio at the end of the week, finishing my clinical assignments for physical therapist assistant school, taking my boards and then I will see where God directs my life from there. I'm learning more then every to lean on him and trust in him. I struggle with once I am happy and things start going great in my life I stop spending my quit time with God. I feel when I am with a guy I get some idolatry going on with them and its not right. I need to also put God above all and lean on him all the time not just when I am going through a storm.

I've met some great people through social media pages and blogs and some old friends that are here to support me every step of the way and through every minute of the day when I need them. My family as well have been very supportive. A few songs that are getting me through these difficult times are "Every Storm Runs Out of Rain" by Gary Allan, thank you Brett Macy for that suggestion. Another song that was on my phone and came on when I got in the car all the time is "By Your Side" by Tenth Avenue. Now, this song when I heard it would make me so angry because I would think of my ex and be like no your not by my side but one of my friends, Justine Carlson sent it to me in a email and it made me realize that this song isn't about a worldly man being by your side its about God being by my side through everything. All worship songs have helped as well but the one that gets me every time and has sense I was baptized is "Whom Shall I Fear" by Chris Tomlin. Whenever I hear this song I feel God's presence and I know that something good is about to happen in my life. It puts a smile on my face whenever I hear it.

I recently started rereading Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. I have read it before and you are suppose to read a chapter a day and take it in journal about and talk about it with someone else. My best friend Liv Lawnick and I are doing it together and I am going to try to blog about it every week to show what I am learning and growing. There is 40 chapters and 40 days is very spiritually significant time period in the bible. God shows that 40 days is a spiritually significant in many ways. He shows whenever he wants to show someone there purpose he takes 40 days. A few examples of this is Noah's life was transformed by 40 days of rain and Moses was transformed by 40 days on Mount Sinai. For the second time reading this I am going to go through it like you are suppose to a chapter a day for 40 days and see what God shows me. Now I think I know my purpose and through sermons I have heard throughout the years especially by Bill Purvis at Cascade Hills Church in Columbus, GA, I know what my spiritual gifts are they are serving. I feel so fulfilled helping others and having an impact on there life. It's taken me a long time to figure this out but physical therapy is definitely what I am called to do its just where? in what setting? in which state? and with what type of people? I hope to learn the answer to these questions over the next 40 days and the months leading up to taking my boards and applying for jobs.

Another friend of mind recommended some sermons to listen to to get me back to "baseline". I have only listened to 2 of the 7-8 he has recommended but they have really helped me understand EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. The two I've listened to so far are both by Rick Warren. The first one is titled "Winning the Hand you are Dealt" and the second one is titled "Transformed: Change your life by Changing your Mind". Both have been
amazing and I highly recommend listening to
them, they can be found on youtube. Also any sermon by Bill Purvis or Brent Purvis from Cascade Hills Church, they have a app or you can go onto there website and listen to them.

It's all about finding myself again! Finding Jenn. It's amazing how in one instance you can think you have your whole life figured out and in the next your lost. I will get through this and I will bounce back stronger and better then ever. God is bringing me back to Northeast Ohio for the time being and as much as I don't want to go back to my hometown and live with my family again, no offense family :) I'm just 27, I know God has a purpose for me there. I pray he reveals it to me. I think I know what is. I think I am suppose to help my sister get back in church and get saved. I think I'm suppose to help my brother's girlfriend find her purpose. God has a plan and it will be revealed. I know I don't want to stay in Ohio but he is calling me back there for the time being so I am going to embrace it. We will see where God leads me from there once I graduate and pass my boards. He's got a plan and I just need to TRUST HIM.