Cytotec (Misoprostal) Experience

      After we found out baby number 2 had no heartbeat I had my HCG blood drawn to see what my levels were at. The results came back within the normal range of where I was suppose to be according to gestation. That gave me a little hope, maybe it was too early to see a heart beat. I was scheduled for a second HCG blood draw 48 hours later. That result came back with a decline in HCG of 2000. At that point we knew it was a miscarriage but still held out a little hope for the confirmation ultrasound one week later. God is in the business of performing miracles and I was praying this would be one. I just remember that weekend was just excruciatingly long. I had an appointment for Monday at 3pm and it couldn't come soon enough. We went in for the ultrasound and it was confirmed no heartbeat. Of course we were completely devastated. How could this happen 2x in a row! 2% chance of back to back miscarriages. We now joined the 1 in 100 statistic of reoccurring losses.

 We were given 3 options at this point.

1. Wait for a natural miscarriage to happen 

2. Take Cytotec to induce a miscarriage 

3. Have a D&C 

Waiting for the miscarriage to happen naturally wasn't really an option in my book. My HCG was dropping so slowly and it would be a long time before I may actually miscarry. I also was extremely nauseous and just wanted to feel better. Also, I just started a new job and wanted to have at least some control of the timing. 

Cytotec was highly suggested by both my doctor and my husband. I was hesitiant on taking it as I would have to go through the physical pain of the miscarriage and two it may not even work. The good thing about cytotec is it happens quickly after you start taking it and it avoids instruments in the uterus that can cause scar tissue to build up. 

The third option was a D&C which I was leaning towards. Its quick and easy and you are put under for it. You know all the tissue is taken out. Also the tissue can be tested for abnormalties. The risk is scar tissue forming in the uterus which could cause issues with implantation of another pregnancy. 

In the end we ended up choosing the cytotec. I had Friday of that week off of work due to low census so I had planned to induce the miscarriage Thursday night after work. How it worked was I was given 8 pills/tablets. I was too insert 4 pills vaginally close to the cervix and lay down for 30 minutes to and hour. The pills are suppose to start working within 6 hours. I inserted the pills around 2-230pm and anxiously awaited the pain/cramping to start. I didn't have any. It was getting close to the 6 hour mark and I still hadn't had any cramping or bleeding. Finally right at 6 hours I had some very minimal spotting but at this point it was not progressing like it should. I was frustrated. Not only was my body failing me with this pregnancy but also with cytotec now. 

So 830pm came and I had to insert 4 more pills. I laid down and put on a TV show. It was around 10-11 and still nothing was happening. I was so frustrated, why wasn't my body reacting the way it should? I finally just took an Ativan and fell asleep. Around 1-2am I woke up and I could tell I was bleeding. I went to the bathroom and as soon as I sat down I began to pass a ton of clots. I was having some minor cramping but not awful. I went to lay back down in bed and within 5 minutes the cramping got worse and worse. I then just made a bed on the bathroom floor. I continued to pass a ton of clots and BIG ones. 

Around 3am I'm laying on floor crying because I was in pain physically and mentally. Thankfully my doctor prescribed me some tramadol and I took one of those. About 10 minutes later I passed the baby and the sac entirely in one big
piece. Which was painful! We were told if I passed the baby we could save it and get it tested. I yelled for Daniel and we were able to collect it and store it properly. 

 After I passed the baby the cramping went down significantly. It was more emotional pain now. I was finally able to get some rest now too. 

The next morning I took the baby in to the doctors office to get tested. Testing would take 2-3 weeks. Now the emotionally healing began. A friend said it best, "Let's face it, you'll never be the same." I couldn't agree more. 

Would I choose the cytotec again if I had a missed miscarriage again? I'm not sure. The pain wasn't awful and the fact that I was in a little bit of control and was able to see everything be passed kinda helped. But in reality what we would learn a month in a half later is the cytotec didn't work completely and I ended up with a D&C anyways. So unfortunately it may have delayed the healing procress. I would say if my reproductive endorcrinologist recommended cytotec I would probably do it again but I would want an ultrasound done after to ensure the tissue was all cleared out. All in all it wasn't an awful experience.

Baby Krautter Take Two....is this real?

Days after miscarriage

After my miscarriage I struggled every day just to get out of bed. I knew miscarriage was common but I
guess I never knew how common or really even thought it would happen to me. My mom didn't struggle with pregnancy or miscarriage nor did Daniel's. I always had a fear that I would have a hard time getting pregnant or wouldn't be able to get pregnant. The thought of miscarriage never crossed my mind. I did not want to get back on my anxiety medications as I wanted to get pregnant again and didn't want to be on anything. I would literally do the bare minimum. Get up, go to work, come home and cry in bed. Every little thing would set me off crying. Daniel would try and cheer me up but every little thing I would cry. I know I was only 5.5-6 weeks along but I had envisioned the life we were going to have with this baby. It just hurt and still does honestly to have that ripped away.

My Joy

 Christmas was coming and I just could not get into the holiday spirit. It just didnt feel right. I was working at a PRN job which was more or less full time and I enjoyed it but I was between 3 different buildings at this point and I was just ready to go full time somewhere. I had been working nonstop since I moved to Huntsville and I knew God was telling me to just slow down. I offered to go full time status at the job but they did not need me full time until probably January. I kept my eye out for other opportunities and a full time home health job fell in my lap! I LOVE home health. It is probably my favorite setting to work in as a physical therapist assistant. I had interviewed with this company twice already in different cities but it just didn't work out as I didnt want to travel that far plus commute to patients homes for work. This position was in Huntsville so it was perfect. I had two interviews and ended up getting the job. My husband was slightly anxious about the interviews as I was an emotional mess. I guess I was able to mask it well and nailed the interviews. It was such a blessing to get this job and be able to have less work and WAY more flexibility. I was also grateful for something positive and something to keep my mind off everything.

Christmas came and honestly it was just depressing. Daniel worked and so it was just me and Ranger. We made the most of it but it just sucked to spend our first married Christmas apart but it is what it is and it is, part of being married to a doctor. I had not gotten my period back yet from my miscarriage but I had been tracking ovulation with OPKs. I knew I had ovulated so we had timed intercourse to try again. First let's back up a little bit, I went to MFM and was pretty much blown off. I had gone to get guidance for my thyroid during pregnancy. I had the appointment made prior to getting pregnant for preconception counseling but wasn't able to get in for several weeks. I did not go because I had had a miscarriage. The doctor told me miscarriages happen and my thyroid had nothing to do with it. I tried to explain that that was not why I was there but it was dismissed. She stated we did not need to wait to try again and I would just need my thyroid checked once a trimester. So armed with that, we decided to try again right away.

Christmas day I was 9-10 days pasted ovulation, DPO, so feeling depressed I decided to take a test knowing it would probably be negative or even too early to show a positive. I took a test and waited impatiently...it was a faint positive. I couldnt believe it. Was this real? This can't be real. I was excited and hopeful but also TERRIFIED! The next day I went and got some more tests. I got 3-5 different brands including a digital. I used all of them and they were all positive! I couldn't believe this was happening again this quick! I was so excited. The excitement quickly fated and the terror started. Instead of going to work and coming home to cry in bed. I would go to work and come home and sleep to check off another day until my first appointment. I was terrified EVERY SINGLE TIME I went to the bathroom. Every ache, pain, cramp, I was scared. I was scared I didn't have any symptoms yet. My last pregnancy I had a lot of breast tenderness this time I had none, was that bad? Why am I not nauseous? I analyzed every single feeling I had, every single bathroom trip was pure terror. My appointment was scheduled for January 31st. I just needed to make it till then.

Line Progression

 I began taking a pregnancy test each morning to see the line progression and make sure it was getting darker to show in my mind my HCG was rising. It helped to see it getting darker but in reality it meant nothing, I had some minor spotting early on and of course I was terrified but luckily it stopped pretty quickly. Around week 5 I began to experience nausea. I began taking unisom and b6 and it was working pretty well....for about a week. I believe the weekend of week 6 I did not leave my bed. I was so nauseous and I was vomitting. I felt awful but I was also happy I was having these symptoms because that meant the pregnancy was progressing right? I eventually was prescribed basically dramamine to help and as long as I took it around the clock I could get through work...barely. 

Weekends were spend in bed and any time I wasn't working was spend in bed. My diet was awful I was literally eating whatever I could get down. I ate a lot of carbs and a lot of chewy granola bars. My poor house was a disaster. I literally couldn't function much above going to work and coming home. The constant nausea helped ease my anxiety though which I was grateful for. 

The day of my appointment comes and I was the most nauseous I had been to this point. I remember getting home from work to pick up Daniel to go to our appointment and I open the car door and just throw up all over the front lawn. It is was rough. We get to the appointment and are going over a few things and then we go to the ultrasound room. I'm scared at this point as ultrasounds and I do not get along. From my thyroid diagnosis to this, ultrasounds are just not good for me and very triggering. We start with a abdominal ultrasound and she can't find a fetal pole so we move to a transvaginal ultrasound, it could still be early to see on abdominal. I felt like we did the ultrasound for hours but I knew it was not good. I can't believe this was happening again! How is this possible? 2% of people have back to back miscarriages. Why am I among the 2%.

Baby Krautter take one

 Wow! I can't believe it has been since 2017 since I last wrote in this blog! A lot has happened since 2017. I am now married and living in Alabama. Believe it or not my life is still leading me to the title of this blog, "Everything happens for a reason". I'm going to be honest, it has been really hard to believe that in the last few months. This blog will be turning to everything trying to conceive, TTC, and pregnancy. It is just another avenue to get things off my chest and to hopefully help others in the same situation as me. So lets get started...

Our avenue of TTC started in October 2020. Daniel, my husband, and I always knew we wanted to start a family shortly after getting married. We wanted to wait a year, then a year turned to 6 months, then 6 months turned to let's start trying now at about 4-5 months. So given my history of thyroid cancer I went to the doctor just to get check out and to make sure my thyroid was good for TTC. I was given a referral to maternal fetal medicine, MFM, just to get guidance on where my levels should be for pregnancy. It was over a month before I could get into MFM. We decided we were going to stop being "careful". I do not use birth control, I just naturally track my cycles with basal body temperature, BBT, and ovulation tests, OPK. It works well for us and avoids unnecessary hormones into my body. 

First pregnancy tests

As my November cycle was approaching I was eager to test to see if maybe we had gotten pregnant this cycle. I really wasn't expecting a positive as an OBGYN we knew told us it was taking her patients 6 months to a year to get pregnant. Which pushed us to start trying NOW! I remember I saw tests that could detect 6 days before your missed period so I was eager to test. I was off work that Friday because I was running a half marathon on Saturday and my friends were coming up. I went to Walmart to buy some tests after work on Thursday and I think that was 7 days before my missed period. I remember testing and seeing a negative but honestly it was probably a faint positive. I had never really taken a pregnancy test so I assumed it needed to be a darker line so I just shrugged it off. If you've been apart of the TTC journey for any amount of time you know how we study these tests, going back and forth checking to see if it "turned positive". I remember going back and looking again and looking back I know it was a positive but being my first ever pregnancy test, I thought it was a negative.

PREGNANT

1/2 marathon

Saturday comes and I run the half marathon with Daniel and my running crew. I was super nauseous after the race but I just assumed it was from being out of shape. I waited for my period to come and it was Wednesday the following week and I was either due to start that day or the next. I remember having cramps, like period cramps, that morning. I assumed my period was coming. That night I took a test and it was CLEARLY positive!! I still didn't believe it, I ran to the store and got a digital. It said PREGNANT!!!! I was sooooo excited!!! I couldn't believe we got pregnant so quick! Daniel was excited as well. I called the next day to make my first appointment. My first appointment was scheduled for December 1st and I was so excited! I could not wait to tell my family, especially my mom. I was already planning to go home the weekend after my appointment so I planned to wait until then to tell her in person. Best thing was I would be due around her birthday, how cool!

So a couple weeks go by, I really wasn't feeling any different. Maybe a little more tired but nothing awful Minimal nausea, which was AMAZING! Then the week of Thanksgiving comes around and I had systemic itching. I was so itchy all over. I thought it was weird but I wasn't too concerned. Then November 24th the day before Thanksgiving I woke up to some bleeding and I was terrified. Ive never been pregnant but I knew this wasn't good. The bleeding wasn't much and it stopped very quickly. Luckily I was able to get into the doctor that day. She assured me it could be normal but even if I was miscarrying there was nothing they could do at this point, I was too early on and 1 in 3 women have a miscarriage unfortunately. She offered me a transvaginal ultrasound but stated they may not be able to even see anything since its so early. We opted not to have the ultrasound as it could cause anxiety I didn't need. The bleeding had stopped so we assumed we were good.

5k

Thanksgiving day I woke up and no bleeding! I ran a 5k and felt great. Friday was fine as well. Saturday I was spotting a little but not a lot. Sunday I woke up to cramping and more spotting. I was terrified and I just knew deep down that this was the beginning of the end. I ended up talking with my heart sister Jeanie Gregory on the phone and was able to get myself up and go to church. I was giving it to Him. While I was in church I had horrible cramps and I just knew we had lost the baby. I get home from church and I beginning to pass clots and tissue. Daniel was a work at the time and it was rough to be going through this alone. Not only was it emotionally painful but physically it was a well. It was so hard to "know" what was happening but at the same time not know. I was hoping for the best but deep down I knew we had lost our baby.

Monday comes around and I was able to get into the doctor and get an ultrasound to confirm the nightmare was true. I had miscarried. I am 1 and 3. It was hard. I blamed myself. Maybe if I hadn't run that half marathon...maybe if I didn't work so much....maybe if I (fill in the blank). Not a lot of people share about their struggles with infertility and miscarriage so it was hard. I felt like I was alone. Not to mention we didn't have a huge support system or family around us. We were told these things happen and it doesn't mean anything is wrong. We could try again. Little did I know the adventure we were about to go on....

Things I've learned from my Social Media Cleanse

Recently, I took a three weeks hiatus from social media. I felt I needed it not only because I was constantly on my phone but also to get more connected with God.

I started off the night before the cleanse by deleting all the apps from my phone so that I would be tempted/by habit go to them. As soon as I did this I felt an instant feeling of relief. Below I will highlight what I'v learned and discovered.

1. Social Media CAN have a positive influence

    - I follow a lot of inspirational people on Instagram and Facebook and I didn't realize how big of an influence they had on my life. I follow fitness pages, spiritual pages, and just friends that are super motivating to me. I like to hear and see the positive aspects of people's lives and get inspired by how people are growing and improving. The catch 22 to this is that, people only post the positive aspects of there lives and rarely do you see the negative things that are going on. This can make you feel horrible about yourself because you only see everyone at their best and you wonder what you are doing wrong but, it is all just an illusion and we have to remember that no one is perfect. Sinse getting back on the social media scene it has reignited my motivation in many areas of my life.

2. I read 10 books!

    - Since I was not constantly on my phone, I always had a book in my hand. I was able to read 10 books in 3 weeks! I also have been studying for my board exam so I can't imagine if I didn't have to study, how many books I would have read. 

3. Social Media CAN keep me spiritually grounded

    - I know that statement sounds funny but, I follow a lot of spiritual, godly pages, and of course churches that I attend or have attended. By seeing the exciting things happening at Cascade Hills everyday from the salvations to baptisms, it ignites my spirit and keeps me spiritually grounded. It reminds me to pray, read my bible, and just spend time alone with God.

4. My anxiety decreased
    - I have a problem with anxiety and yes I know it is not godly to have anxiety. By being off social media and living in the present moment and actually connecting with people I am with, my anxiety decreased! I was not constantly comparing myself to others.

5. My phone battery last way longer!!

Final Thought:
   - Social media can be a good thing if used in moderation. Since I have been back on social media my book reading has decreased significantly but I am also closer to taking my boards. I have become inspired again for fitness and to me following a lot of spiritual pages keeps me grounded. I don't think I'll stop using social media but I would like to decrease my usage. I would recommend a social media cleanse to anyone, its just good to see how much more you can accomplish and see without constantly being connected.

-Jenn😘

"Ain't nothing sweeter than a Georgia peach."

Georgia...the land of peaches as my sister would say.

  This past week I have spend my time in Georgia/Alabama. What an incredible week I have had! I came down to Georgia for several reasons but primarily I came down to visit my best friend, Liv Lawnick. Liv and I met about 5 years ago at Newberry College in South Carolina. She was one of my athletes and I her athletic trainer. Liv and I did not become close until we both ended up moving to Columbus, GA in 2013. Now, if you would have asked me to chose one person from Newberry to bring with me to GA, it would not have been Liv. Liv and I were friends but not close and not someone I typically would call up to hang out with. We were in different stages of life. When I moved down to Columbus, GA, Liv was the only person I knew and she invited me over for dinner. Sense then our friendship has grown tremendously and we both have been through so much. She is my best friend. She is the person I can call up in the middle of the night and cry to. She is the person I can FaceTime 10x a day and not get bored. She is "my person." 

  I went on my first job interview for a physical therapist assistant position. The interview went great and I am eager to get started working wherever God leads me. I am not praying specifically for a position but just praying for God's guidance. 

   I turned 28 down here. Liv and I carried on our birthday tradition of thrift store book shopping! We both LOVE to read and kind of have an addiction to buying used books. After our binge shopping of books we went to get Mexican food at my favorite restaurant down here, El Carrizo. We topped off the night by going to Bruster's Ice Cream. Some may think, "What a boring birthday", but to me I enjoyed ever minute of it. 

   While I was down here, I also had a great opportunity to attend the Global Leadership Summit. I got to hear from some great speakers such as, Bill Hybels, Sheryl Sandberg, and Gary Haugen, to name a few. I will do another post on my experience at the summit later and go into more detail. I highly recommend the summit to anyone, even if you do not consider yourself a leader because everyone is a leader in some way.

   Another huge reason I came down to Georgia is to attend Cascade Hills Church. I talk about this church a lot because it has had a huge impact on my life and it is why I have a desire to be back down in this area. This church is AMAZING and I recommend it to anyone and everyone. This church gives you the opportunity to get plugged in as little or as much as you would like. Their is literally a bible study, small group, or church service you can attend and be a part of every day of the week. They do a really good job incorporating all ages as well. Living in so many places I have come to realize that my age group often times gets neglected and it's really frustrating, so I took advantage of the opportunities while I was here. On Saturday, I attended the Women's Fitness Group and got to meet a handful of ladies to workout with and fellowship with. Saturday night I attended the Young Professionals bible study. Following bible study I attended church service where I got to worship and here a great message from Pastor Bill Purvis. Following service Liv and I got to have a great conversation with Pastor. On top of all of that, we got to have shaved ice after church! Now, if you know me you know how much I LOVE shaved ice!!! 

   Today was the best of all the days here! I got to baptize Liv! What a great experience and opportunity! I am so happyy for her and I can't wait to see her life continue to flourish. 

   I have one more day down here and although it will be sad to leave my best friend and the church I love, I know that I will be back soon. I may even move back here if it is where God guides me. 

    After completing my 100 happy days and enjoying my trip down here, I will be taking some time away from social media and tuning in more to God. From August 16th - September 6th I will be fasting from social media. I need some time away from the distractions, the negativity, and I need to dedicate the time i spend on social media to God. I will still continue to blog as I feel more connected to God through my blogging and don't really consider a distraction but a channel for me to express my thoughts and spread God's word.

- Jenn 😘

   

Date Nights with God

Date Night with God
     It's a Saturday night, I am a 27 year old single girl, you would expect me to be out on a date or enjoying time with my spouse and kids. Instead I have been "blessed" with the stage of singleness in my life. I am in a transition stage in my life. I'm finishing up school and getting ready to apply to jobs all over the country. I have decided to not pray for a particular job but to pray for guidance and to go where God leads me. So, tonight I had a date night with God. I read through my devotionals and read through the rest of Romans. God is my date until He places another man in my life to help me grow in this walk of life together. In the last 3-4 months, I have spent a lot of time with God and have grown stronger in my prayer life and my bible reading life. I have learned more in the past 3 months then I have sense I first got saved. I have read several books as well to help develop myself and become a stronger christian. I have also partaken in two 24 hour fasts. I have learned a lot about myself as well. I still have a lot more to learn and develop into but, when I am ready I am confident that God will place the right man in my life to be my permanent "date". Until then I am contend with my date nights with God. Here are two quotes from my two of the most influential pastors in my life.

"Your best days can still be in front of you if you put God at the center again." Bill Purvis

"Out of our greatest misery often comes our greatest ministry." Brent Purvis

So if you are in a stage of singleness in your life. I challenge you to have some date nights with God. When you are feeling lonely, spend sometime with God. He misses you, He wants your attention. Embrace your singleness as lonely as it can be.


Jenn😘

Purpose Driven Life Day 40 and Summary

Day 40, June 9th, "Living with Purpose"

     - "Living on purpose is the only way to really live. Everything else is just existing." (Rick Warren). Proverbs 19:21 says, "You can make many plans, but the Lord's purpose will prevail." We have to live with a purpose. Their are three basic issues people struggle with.
  1. Identity - Who am I?
  2. Importance - Do I matter?
  3. Impact - What is my place in life?
Through reading all 40 days of the book you should have a good idea of what your identity, importance, and impact are. Develop a purpose statement for your life and then review it regularly. Your purpose statement should summarize God's purposes for your life. It should also point the direction of your life, define "success" for you, clarify your roles, and express your shape. "Goals are temporary, purposes are eternal." (Rick Warren)

LIFE'S FIVE GREATEST QUESTIONS
   1. What will be there center of your life?
        - "Worry is the warning light that God has been shoved to the sidelines." (Rick Warren).
   2. What will be the character of your life?
   3. What will be the contribution of your life?
   4. What will be the communication of your life?
   5. What will be the community of your life?

GOD WANTS TO USE YOU!
   - Allow him to.

Point to Ponder: Living with purpose is the only way to really live.
Verse to Remember: "For David...served the purpose of God in his own generation." Acts 13:36
Question to Consider: When will I take the time to write down my answers to life's five great questions? When will I put my purpose on paper?

Summary
    - This book has been a life changer. I look at life differently. God has shown me some amazing insights through this book. I fully understand my purpose now. I would recommend this book to anyone and I would recommend reading with a partner or forming a small group and go through it. This book has helped bring me back to the foundation of my life. I will be reading this book every year starting May 1st. Review your notes from your reading and discuss it with others. Most of all, pray each day after reading it.